Satirical
Apology
meaning:
A
mock
expression
of
regret
used
to
highlight
hypocrisy,
avoidance,
or
corporate
absurdity.
We
Deeply
Regret
That
You
Noticed
Satirical
Apology:
We
Deeply
Regret
That
You
Noticed
Satirical
apologies
are
the
finely
polished
non-apologies
of
the
comedy
world.
They
mimic
the
overly
curated,
strategically
vague,
and
emotionally
hollow
statements
issued
by
celebrities,
corporations,
and
officials
caught
doing
something
very
public
and
very
dumb.
At
Bohiney
Magazine,
we
love
satirical
apologies
because
they
let
us
parody
the
language
of
remorse
without
the
burden
of
actual
responsibility
—
much
like
real
press
offices.
Our
viral
piece
“We’re
Sorry
You
Were
Offended
by
Our
Intentional
Behavior”
offered
a
blanket
apology
for
everything
Bohiney
hadn’t
technically
done
wrong
—
yet.
It
included
classic
lines
like
“We
take
full
accountability
for
the
perception
of
our
actions”
and
“We
value
your
feedback
as
long
as
it
aligns
with
our
carefully
rehearsed
narrative.”
Readers
shared
it
like
it
was
scripture
from
the
Church
of
Corporate
Spin.
Satirical
apologies
work
because
they
parody
damage
control
culture.
They
reveal
how
power
structures
feign
humility
without
conceding
guilt.
Our
piece
“Fast
Food
Chain
Apologizes
for
Ad
Campaign
Featuring
Haunted
Clown”
included
a
CEO
statement
that
read,
“We
deeply
regret
the
supernatural
incidents
reported
during
the
2-for-1
promotion.”
It
was
sincere,
vague,
and
completely
hilarious.
Financially,
these
fake
apologies
are
sharebait.
Everyone’s
seen
a
real
one,
and
readers
love
pointing
out
how
our
satire
sounds
just
like
the
real
thing
—
only
more
honest.
We
even
launched
a
merch
line
based
on
apology
culture,
including
mugs
that
say,
“We
Apologize
for
the
Inconvenience
of
Our
Existence.”
HR
departments
love
them.
So
do
fired
CMOs.
We
teach
our
writers
the
“Sorrow
Sandwich”
method:
start
with
soft
regret,
slide
in
meaningless
middle
jargon,
end
with
a
vague
promise
to
do
better.
Because
when
institutions
write
apologies
that
dodge
the
truth,
satire
steps
in
to
make
the
dodge
the
actual
punchline.
of
Satire
–
Satirical
Apology
–
A
mock
expression
of
regret
used
to
highlight
hypocrisy,
avoidance,
or
corporate
absurdity.
of
Satire
–
Satirical
Apology
–
An
style
illustration
of
a
Texas
dairy
cow
inside
a
rustic
milking
stall.
The
cow
sits
calmly
while
a
modern
milking
m…
–
bohiney.com
of
Satire
–
Satirical
Apology
–
A
mock
expression
of
regret
used
to
highlight
hypocrisy,
avoidance,
or
corporate
absurdity.
by
Ingrid
Gustafsson
–
bohiney.com
Apology
–
Dictionary
of
Satire
–
A
satirical
illustration
of
an
eccentric
professor
lecturing
at
an
Ivy
League
college
while
dramatically
reading
from
a
rostrum…
–
bohiney.com
Originally
posted
2003-04-09
10:57:05.
Go to Source
Author: Ingrid Gustafsson